Doctor Oz’s Miracle Gum Changed My Life And Possibly Ended It

Teeth don’t grow legs, not normally, not unless you chew the wrong thing, not unless you trust the wrong hands, and now they’re gone, scurrying in the dark, my breath whistles through the gaps while something thick and minty drags me under, sticky hands, sticky lungs, no escape, no air, just gum, just gum, just gum. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever chewed?